


Regression

by darkangel_silvermoon



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Anxiety, Coping, Derek Morgan - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spencer Reid - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 16:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10312022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkangel_silvermoon/pseuds/darkangel_silvermoon
Summary: Spencer's having a rough night. Derek's there to help.





	1. Fragile

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read. Let me know what you think... I'd appreciate it.

The wind howls, unyielding as Spencer stares into the night; rain slashing against the window, pounding its fury.

Spencer shivers as smokey tendrils creep through the divots within his mind, filling him with certain dread. His mouth wired shut, he stands at the window, chest rising and falling as if it were filling with mercury. His heart fluttering against his ribcage in a desperate attempt to save itself. Tremors run through his very bones as he tries to steady himself against the windowsill.

He's too weak...too weak to save anyone.

Too weak to save himself.

Too weak to protect himself from himself.

And at this very moment, he wants to use- to hurt himself more than the hurt that's within him. To consume until there's nothing left. His heart staggers at the thought, body lit in high relief as electricity surges, sky spilling white heat between cloud and ground.

His body shudders as sound struggles against his Adam's Apple, stuck with no way to escape as he bows, head thudding against the wooden frame.

He bites his lip as he hits his head again, again, again- a dull ache forming behind his eyes; breathe in ragged pants as he tries to right himself.

The clock flashes 1:26 am, and he knows he's going to have to call him if he intends to make it through the night- well, what's left of it anyway.

Doesn't make him feel any less pathetic as shaky fingers hit the speed dial. Doesn't make him feel any better when the phone rings once, twice...

"Hey Reid." His voice steeped in fear as Spencer's jagged breathes reach through the phone cords, creep through the wires, ping off of towers until it reaches the other side of town.

"I can't-" Spencer tries, but his jaw aches- his chest splitting in two. Derek's breathe hitches.

"Spencer , get into bed." Derek's voice soft.

"Derek, I can't!" Spencer's voice sharp, broken.

"Spence, please? For me?" Derek sits up, trying to assess the damage.

"I can't!" Spencer grits out, chucking the phone against the wall infrustration; it connecting with a sickly crack, flying to pieces.

Spencer shivers, sinking to the floor; he buries his face into the crook of his arm, chin wobbling on the point of his knee.

He doesn't know how long he's sat there before the faint click of the front door being unlocked registers somewhere in his mind. 

Spencer curls deeper into himself; Derek's heavy footsteps sounding through his apartment. Derek's hand lights on Spencer's shoulder. Spencer looks up to find Derek's eyes worrying over him.

"Hey Kid." A lopsided grin spreads across Derek's face.

"'m sorry." Spencer murmurs, nuzzling the hand that has cupped the side of his face.

"No worries Pretty Boy; I couldn't sleep no how. Just glad to know you're safe." Derek stoops down to lift Spencer, who curls his arms around Derek's neck, pressing his face against Derek's shirt, reveling in the stolid heartbeat behind the broad expanse of muscle and bone.

Derek leads Spencer to his room, placing him in bed, smoothing the sheets around him. A slight frown forms at the look Spencer's giving him.

"Pretty Boy, it's okay...do you want to tal-" Spencer shakes his head.

"Alright-" Derek turns, but Spencer scrambles to grasps Derek's hand.

"Stay,please!" Spencer's voice is strangled as Derek shivers.

"Shh...it's alright,'m here."Derek strips off his shirt, settling next to Spencer. Derek presses Spencer's head against his chest, silky smooth locks tickling his skin. Derek hums as Spencer noses at his skin.

"I'm sorry." Spencer squeezes his eyes shut. "This is too much to ask a from a friend. Sor-" Spencer's stopped as Derek pulls away.

"Seriously Reid, do we have to go through this again?" Derek sighs jokingly. 

"As long as you need me, I'm here. It's never too much, I promise." Derek runs his fingers through Spencer's hair; Spencer sighs at the contact.

He's going to have to believe that for tonight.

The rain patters overhead, Spencer blinks sleepily, heart and breathing syncing with Derek as they slowly drift off.


	2. Transparent

Derek blinks awake, frowning at the empty space next to him. 

He sighs, swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress. It's way too early- the dawn not yet blushing on the tips of branches.

Derek pads his way from room to room, until he finds Spencer curled in a worn velvet chair in his own library, eyes rimmed red.

"Mornin' Pretty Boy." Derek's voice scratches from unuse. Spencer looks up, swiping furiously at his eyes, a watery smile faltering on his lips.

"Did I wake you?" Spencer asks, guilt tinting his voice.

"Nah- I just- you were gone, and I wanted to see if you were alright." Derek sits on the ottoman next to Spencer's feet.

Spencer picks at a loose thread on the seam of his sleep pants.

"I'm fine." Spencer tries to give a reassuring smile, but fails. Derek studies him, Spencer biting his lip in worry.

"Kid...make you some coffee?" Derek purses his lips. 

Badgering Spencer gets you nowhere, so there's no point in even trying. Spencer nods his head, letting Derek lead the way into the kitchen.

Derek pulls the canister of Maxwell out of the cabinet, and measures out the grains, pours the water, and sets the pot. Derek can't help but chuckle as he catches Spencer staring in wonder as the dark streams of liquid make their way to the pot. He pulls up a chair sitting across Spencer in silence as the coffee slowly winds to slow drips- a full pot of strong, black coffee is made.

Derek gets up, rooting around for two clean mugs, the container of sugar and a spoon.

They say nothing as Derek slides a full cup of coffee to Spencer, who stirs in five teaspoons. Derek takes the spoon and pours a meager two.

They say nothing as they sip their drinks in silence, their soft breathe carried to each others ear.

"Reid, I didn't come here for a sleep over did I?" Derek sets his coffee down as the silence is stretched thin.

Spencer sighs, looking past Derek's shoulder.

"No." Spencer mouth sets in a determined line as he clenches the handle on the mug.

Derek taps his thumb on the rim of his mug, patiently waiting for Spencer to cave- he always does.

"It's just...sometimes it's too much." Spencer rolls his eyes at his failure of words. The ineffectiveness of language, the failure to communicate sometimes astounds him.

"The job? What we do?" Derek asks, trying to understand.

"That too. But it's more like...me. It's overwhelming sometimes...to be locked inside your head, knowing that deep down that you don't have a key. And the panic rises and then it's too much for you to even try to pull yourself out of it...and then you push people away because you don't know how to tell them how you're feeling, not that you understand it yourself...and this sounds like drivel doesn't it?" Spencer's heart hammers against his chest as he looks up to meet Derek's gaze.

"No, it doesn't." Derek looks him square in the eye. Spencer continues.

"I was so close to using last night- just to float for a little while- let all this pressure go. But then I...thought about you and...how you helped me through it before...so I called." Spencer gulps down the last of his coffee, staring at the brown dregs at the bottom of the mug. He sighs, letting his shoulders slump.

"I just...want to feel...okay in my skin. I don't want to have to over think all the time, analyze every emotion, deconstruct it to it's basic parts and then analyze some more. I'm...tired." Spencer stands to put the cup in the sink, gripping the counter top.

Derek stands behind him, hesitantly wrapping his arms around Spencer's slim waist, pulling him closer to him. Spencer sighs as Derek rests his chin on the crook of Spencer's shoulder- closes his eyes at the contact.

His shoulders heave as he feels the steady beat of muscle against his back, the movement reverberating in his own chest.

And then the sobs come. Soundless at first, but it's what he needs. 

He needs to cry without fear, with out the shame and stigma associated with the act of letting go. Men do cry-is how Derek put it once. 

It's okay.

And they stand that way, Derek supporting Spencer's weight as he shifts in Derek's arms, turning so he can bury himself in Derek's chest.  
Derek doesn't mind, taking all that Spencer gives- because he knows he needs it too. He needs to be there just...because.

Spencer's sobs turn to whimpers- and after a while there is nothing but breathing. Spencer lifts his head, extracting an arm to wipe at his face. Derek hums, using a gentle hand to help remove the wetness from Spencer's face.

"Thank you." Spencer says, face reddening in embarrassment. Derek gives Spencer a small smile as he catches Spencer's eye.

"You don't have to say it Reid. I'm here-got it?" Derek gets a small smile from Spencer in return as the sun creeps up the kitchen's walls.

"Think we better get ready for work, you okay?" Derek asks as Spencer pulls away. Spencer nods.

"I am now."


	3. Struggle

J.J sees Spencer plodding into the bull pen doggedly, plopping down into his seat.

He rests his forehead against the dark stained wood.

"Hey Spence, everything alright?"J.J frowns as Spencer jumps at the sound of her voice.

"I'm fine." He sits up, giving her a half smile as penitence.

"Just had a rough night." Spencer says.

"Where's your coffee, I thought that was standard issue for you this early." She jokes and he snickers.

"Derek's going for a coffee run, he'll be back in a minute." Spencer says. 

J.J notices the look that passes over his face at the mention.

"Spencer, are you sure everything's alright?" She gives him a knowing look that he knows he can't escape. Sometimes J.J can be just as bad, if not worse than Garcia. He relents.

"Other than the fact that I am socially stunted...nope. Nothing wrong here." He gives false cheer in his voice as he spins his chair to meet her.

"Reid."Her voice soft as she perches on the edge of Spencer's desk. He sighs grudgingly, caving in.

"I don't know what to do. It seems like everyone else got the handbook on how to display proper affection and I was the only one not clued in." Spencer face scrunches in exasperation as he runs shaky fingers through his hair.

"Well, I think...that special someone would just be happy to know that you do...care for them in a romantic sense."

"But what if I'm rejected, or they're so disgusted that they never want to speak to me again. I don't think-"

"What's worse, knowing or not knowing?" J.J counters before Spencer sinks himself into more self doubt.

"You're sweet, charming, funny in your albeit quirky way, intelligent, eye candy-" Spencer scoffs at J.J's list.

"What is there not to fall for? He's just not sure if he should make a move, so you should tell him."

 

Spencer eyes bug out.

"I didn't..."

"You didn't have to, I may not be a profiler, but I've got eyes like you do. My god, you should see yourselves- it makes me want to lock you two in the nearest supply closet and let you get over yourselves and play grab ass like you know you need to for cripes sak- Hey Morgan, one of those for me?" J.J smiles sweetly, Spencer jumps turning around to see Derek striding in coffee cups in hand.

"Sorry Jayj, Pretty Boy already claimed the syrup masquerading as coffee." Derek hands Spencer his cup.

Tell him...J.J mouths as Derek turns his back. Spencer shakes his head, Derek arching his brow in curiosity.

"What's up with you two?" Derek interest piqued. 

Spencer knows once Derek latched on he won't shake loose easily...but still, the stupid go to phrase falls from his lips anyway.

"Nothing..." Spencer says vaguely.

J.J hops off his desk, feigning a death stare.

"Since you won't share your coffee Derek, I have to go scrounging for my own...maybe Garcia will come with." She scoots off quickly, shooting Spencer a pointed look before dashing off.

"Uh...thanks for the coffee." Spencer gives a weak smile as he takes a sip.

Derek taps the lid of his own cup.

"I hope I got it right...I wasn't sure...You'd think I'd get it by now." Derek's shoulder hitches in a nervous gesture- something boyishly fitting for the resident stud muffin. 

Spencer's stomach flutters tight as he catches Derek's eye.

Spencer smiles- "It's perfect."

Spencer looks up to see J.J standing at the banister-tell him.

Derek squints, staring at J.J's mouth.

"Tell him what, Pretty Boy?" Derek's voice filled with intrigue.

There's no way he's going to shake him now.


	4. Surrender

"Morgan I swear if you ask one more time, I"-

"Well tell me then. I promise I'll leave you alone when you do." Derek whines.

Spencer grumbles as Derek gives him a flirty smile. He closes his eyes- Derek can be really annoying when he wants to. He's been underfoot for an hour and as much as Spencer likes him; there's only so much he can take.

"Awe Spence- why are you giving him a hard time?" J.J gives Spencer a coy smile and his face heats.

"YOU! This is your fault. Make him stop." Spencer covers his eyes, flopping back down in his office chair.

J.J gives Spencer a thoughtful look- Derek suffice to say looks more confused than ever.

"Oh God! Put him out of his misery!" J.J gestures at Derek. 

"How is that going to help?"

"Well if you don't get off your butt and tell him I will."

"No- I don't see how that will solve anything! That just throws everything into confusion."

"He looks like a lost puppy- I think he deserves the truth." J.J gestures to Derek again, who gives the pair an indignant look.

"You know I'm right here." Derek deadpans.

"Yes, we are quite aware of that." Spencer grumbles, crossing his arms in defiance. J.J huffs- getting up to drag Derekby the arm.

'Wait! Okay- I'll…tell him." Spencer pouts, swallowing nervously as J.J smirks. 

Derek sighs as Spencer grabs his jacket.

"Let go for coffee first?" Spencer looks hopeful as Derek grabs his coat behind him.

"Come on is it really that bad?" Derek furrows his brow as he looks at J.J.

"Morgan if he doesn't tell you- trust me, I will. Stubborn jack ass." J.J says ruefully, blue eyes sparkling with mischief.

/

Derek bursts into laughter as the mug is set before Spencer- whipped cream floating atop a large cup of coffee.

"This is the best thing EVER! And it comes with a cookie!" Spencer's voice high with excitement.

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea. You're splittin' that cookie." Derek eyes drift to the snickerdoodle cookie at Spencer's elbow- half the size of cookie cake.

"Hey- I need all the buzz I can get!" Spencer says as he takes a sip of the coffee; taking the napkin to clean the whip off his face.

Derek studies Spencer, trying to discern what was so important that they had to leave the office and get Spencer hopped up on sugar to tell him anything.

Derek reaches for the cookie- breaking off a piece as hazel orbs watch his movements. A charge runs down Derek's spine as puts the other half back, nibbling on the piece he does have.

Spencer slips into a pensive silence as he stares into the depth of his coffee mug.

"The thing is- the last time I was in this position; I lost a close friend. And I don't want that…but there's a part of me that needs to get this off my chest so I can deal with it." Spencer looks up to find Derek staring at him.

"What's going on kid?" Derek's voice filled with worry.

Spencer reaches for the cookie again, taking a bite- stalling.

GET IT OVER WITH! NOT THAT HARD!-his mind bucks at him.

"I'm not sure…" Spencer tries to swallow the lump that forms in his throat-words threatening to choke him. "I'm over thinking this- oh god, I shouldn't be doing this. Can we just forget"- Reid's breathe hitches as he makes to leave.

Derek places a firm hand around Spencer's wrist; palm unbearably warm over Spencer's cool skin.

"Pretty Boy- whatever it is, you can tell me." Derek insists. Whatever's on Spencer's mind has officially got Derek worried.

"I'm just…" Spencer slumps in his seat, breath coming out in a puff. 

"I don't know how or when…but I think I blurred the lines somewhere between us…and I've come to the conclusion that I"- Spencer looks as if he's going to dart, and Derek has this overwhelming urge to pin him down by the wrist, pressing himself against…

Derek frowns at his line of thought. 

Yeah his mind can go there…and increasingly so towards Reid. Derek's mouth drops in realization.

"Reid." Derek arches his brow in disbelief.

Spencer sets his lips in a thin line.

"Reid. What are you saying?" Derek's voice is shaking; Spencer is officially sure that this was a very bad idea.

"I need to know. I need to hear you say it." Derek's voice is breathless as his fist clenches tight.

It's not real unless Spencer says something. It isn't real.

Say something Spencer. Say something. Say something. Say. Something.

"Derek I think I'm in love with you?" Spencer frowns as he clears his throat-body trembling in the rush of everything.

Derek closes his eyes.

"Say something?" Spencer whispers.

Spencer tears up as a smile creeps across Derek's face as they listen to the clank of metal, the grinding of blenders, the undercurrent of voices tugging them along.

Spencer starts to scoot out of the booth- Derek pulls him back in- opening his eyes.

"Where in the hell do you think you're going?" Derek says, voice low. Spencer blood pounds in his head.

"Nowhere?" Spencer says in confusion as he sits again.

"Right." Derek says simply. "So are you going to give me a chance to respond to that or what?"

Spencer sighs. Derek smile is contagious.

"Reid, I'm here for you, you do know that, right?"

"Yeah-"Spencer blinks-when did Derek's hand make its way to his shoulder? A lopsided smile finds a place on Spencer's lips. He licks them, Derek's eyes follow the tip of Spencer's tongue; flicking back up to meet Spencer's.

"Kid?" Derek's voice barely audible as he leans in, gaze finding their way back to Spencer's lips; he wonders if they're sweeter from the coffee and cookie.

Spencer wonders when Derek's found the time to shift to his side of the booth, snake his hand through Reid's hair; the din of the coffee shop melting into the background as they press their lips together- the soft heat radiating from each other.

Derek's eyes flutter close as Spencer's hand lights on his lower back. He never knew kissing could be so good, as his tongue traces the cracked skin on Spencer's lips.

And their brains shut down from the smell of coffee and the feel of each other's skin. And they are vaguely aware of the eyes staring at them; but in the moment, nothing matters as their mouths move-whispering words of love and comfort.

Spencer whimpers as he pulls away from Derek for air- body charged with energy he's never felt before. Derek presses his forehead against Spencer's, fingertips brushing along Spencer's jaw.

"I love you too Spencer Reid." Derek whispers, eyes shining bright as he takes in the disheveled hair- bruised lips so perfect and red.

Spencer hums as he leans into the touch; Derek cupping his face as he kisses him again.

Nothing has ever tasted so sweet.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think... I'd appreciate it.


End file.
